I must be too annoying 4 u.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
ok first of all what the fuck
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
