I accidentally had phone sex last night
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
