I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize