you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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