...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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