I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
