I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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