I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
