oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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