I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
