You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
