some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
why do cheetos always look like penises
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
