Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
