yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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