i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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