You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I smell like Dick and happiness
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
