my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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