Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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