Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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