Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
