Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
