Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
