I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize