Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
