You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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