she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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