i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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