They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
