Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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