And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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