She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
