I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
