My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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