and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
BRING THE BAGELS
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
