People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
