so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize