You were right. It hurts to walk today.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I AM VODKA MAN
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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