What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
