Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
