i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
