Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we're making bets on your personal life
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
