he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
