well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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