I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
