spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
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