Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
