i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I can't put those talents on a resume
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
