I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
