so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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