Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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