so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Who did Billy Mays play for?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
