i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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