im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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