I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
