my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
