I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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