In the future we'll all be gay
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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