I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
