he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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