How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
