Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I party with great urgency now.
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