i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My underwear smells like fireworks.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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