Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize