I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize