I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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