names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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