roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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